Oh my God!!!
I can’t believe I am having this moment right know. It’s 11 am, I’m at the middle of my work, but I am breaking down (on the inside, emotionally).
It’s just that there is so much happening in my life right now and I so overwhelmed. I think I’m gonna cry.
Okay. Chill girl.
See, I’m already/only 25 but I honestly don’t know where my life is leading.
I want to live alone but money’s been tight lately.
I have pending applications abroad.
I just got off from a “relationship”.
I don’t know if I am already dating someone or we’re just “cool”.
I think someone also wants to date me but i can’t decide because I am not sure if I am already dating someone.
I don’t know what I’m saving for.
I want to travel but I’m too tired.
I have so many friends sometimes it’s hard to manage.
I am not sure who my friends are and why I am dealing this alone if I have so many friends.
And, I’ve had way too much coffee.
Yes i was hurt.
But i’m not mad.
You know why?
Because i dont want to waste my time.
If im not important enough for you,
Being mad wouldn’t make any impact.
So what’s the point?
I’ve quit my job as an external auditor for one of the big four auditing firms.
It was sad. All this time I thought that when i finally clicked that button that would send my tender of resignation I would feel so happy that there would be little dancing puppies in my head. But no, all I felt was “meh”. Nothing.
No, don’t get the wrong idea, I have no regrets doing it. I am just disappointed that I didn’t get the response I expected from myself (what?).
Well anyway, maybe I didn’t hate my job as much as I thought. I loved it actually, but we all know that there is a kind of love that is slowly killing you and you don’t know it.
So I looked for another job and I found one at an international non-profit organization. It felt just right and so mature that I am already making big decisions for my life like switching jobs (where did the years go?). I am really hoping that this will be long term for me.
That’s the recent status of my very first love. He’s already married. Wow.
Parang kelan lang kinikilig pa ako tuwing makikita ko sya sa may amin. Parang kelan lang eh naglalaro pa kami sa may labas ng bahay. Parang kelan lang eh excited pa akong makita sya tuwing umaga na kahit di pa ko naghihilamos at nagsisipilyo eh dudungaw na ako sa bintana para lang makita sya.
Just knowing that he’s already found someone to be with for the rest of his life made me somewhat happy na may konting kirot. Syempre pinangarap ko din dati na ikakasal kami. But, matagal ko na din tanggap na hanggang pangarap ko na lang ang chinito ko.
Cheers to your new life. Farewell my chinito.